Instead of complaining or focusing on negative self analysis, I’m going to remind myself of characteristics that make me so cool.
I’m endlessly curious. I am intelligent, but I understand the responsibility of that. there’s nothing I love more then to be proven wrong, or learning something new. it doesn’t have to be of my interest, as long as it grabs my attention I’ll retain it for all ages. One of my motivations for choosing philosophy, society and politics as subjects to argue about is this very fact.
I have talent and don’t waste it. My painting is a source of pride. Sometimes it’s frustrating and I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Despite this, I am. I am much better then I was when I started 5 years ago. My first solo show show, no matter the reaction will be an accomplishment all itself and make me all kinds of nervous and happy at the same time. Even if I don’t sell anything.
I’m a good son, a good friend and a good boyfriend. I don’t always do the moralistically right thing, but karma works in complicated ways. I’m not always correct, but whom of us is? I don’t always keep others in mind but commit acts of generosity without expectation of a return. In my efforts to become a better version of myself, I do feel like I am getting somewhere. Despite my crusty exterior of cynicism, my heart perseveres and I do see the diamonds in the coal. I fight for what I hold dear. My flexibility, creativity, spontaneity, patience and loyalty are all qualities of greatness.
I’m taking care of myself. I’m more together then I was this time last year. I’m not running from my problems or trying to covet them. I recognize my faults and I’m trying my best to not repeat the cycle. It just takes time to break bad habits, sometimes more then anticipated. some of the people close to me don’t feel I’m doing enough, or doing it fast enough but I’m doing it in the way that I find comfortable. That’s good enough for me.
In short I do like who I am. I’m working to best the lesser of my characteristics and to stave off the gloom, hopelessness of despondency and dependency. To be human, all too human. I am alive…so it goes.
