How is it that I can express myself so eloquently through text, yet when it comes to actually talking to people it devolves into nervous ADD jibber-jabber-memification? It seems I expect people outside to know just as much, if not more about the things that fascinate me. Then when I explain things in simpler terms, it makes me feel stupid and I loose hope in humanity. Why are people so afraid to ask questions about things they don’t know much about themselves? Safe topics of small talk like sports, weather or some celebrity gossip just bore me to hell. Social niceties annoy me so much I might as well be German. I feel like you learn more about a person if you give them an opportunity to talk about what interests them, you might learn something too!
Why do I keep apologizing for my past mistakes when in comparison to other people I’ve actually had it pretty mild? I’m not saying that being ostracized in school from the young age of 12 is fun and all, but damn am I ever glad I didn’t grow up in a broken home.
Pt2: why was I so reluctant to try becoming more popular in high school and university? dunno*, perhaps it was a mixture of not giving a shit and was too afraid of rejection. Thus making alcohol and mary-jah-wana the best way to get around my inhibitions of actually talking to people. It made me feel like I was living a double life and it still does.
Why did it take me this long to come to terms with my faults? why was I so arrogant to the advice of others? It seems like all I wanted to do was party while the ship was sinking. I’m a thrill seeker, I love pushing boundaries and limitations. I can’t help but be quizzical about how things function. unfortunately I started applying that to people as well and that doesn’t work out so well. I’ve been told it makes me come off as an elitist asshole. Too bad I’ve been so oblivious in social settings, and I’m not sure that’s going to change anytime soon.
<3 you echochamber, time to do some exercising to make myself a sexy beotch.
