When the sun starts to retreat, so do I. In all likely hood I’m in dire need of one of these:
http://store.lighttherapyproducts.com/index.php/products-for-seasonal-affective-disorder/light-boxes
as a pattern, I become more irritable, more melancholic and end up sleeping more then the normal 9 or so hours. It’s always been a dreadful process for me to get up in the morning, but even more so from October to March. So on top of my day to day isolation, social detachment, general feeling of boredom and doldrums I get to deal with the looming sense of hopelessness and frustration.
I’m very much against taking antidepressants because of the side affects of weight gain and decreased sex drive. So instead of doing the easy path, I’ve been encouraged to do more exercising and seek counseling(on a personal note, have lots of sex). Somewhere in my past I started making more and more excuses and lost what little self discipline I had. Being unable to let go of past failures and the self loathing that has accompanied them is what has lead me to give up on multiple occasions, further exacerbating this seasonal downtime. I had lost any reason to do anything and would just lie in bed trying to make the day disappear. this has repeated year after year.
I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to be living in my parents house when I’m 26 going on 27. I don’t want to loose my girlfriend because I’m stagnant, bitter, broken and in debt. I want 2012 to be my year. I’ve spent too much time being idle, too much time afraid, too much time beaten down by rejection and failings. So I might as well try, just to prove myself wrong.
